Thursday, July 10, 2014

my story....my heart

The whole "trying to have a baby" process was one of the most difficult, yet joyful experiences of my life.  I look back and see the Lord's hand in all of it.  I see how my timing in wanting a baby was actually horrible, selfish timing.  And the last 4 years of this journey have made our marriage SO STRONG...we've gone through so much. And there were times I didn't even know if we'd make it.

At first I was so....I don't know the word...it might be ashamed, it might be embarrassed, it might be uncomfortable....whatever I was, I didn't want to talk about your struggle with anyone. Then one of my closest friends started to open up to me about her marriage, and how it was on the rocks and I had no judgement for her.  Only unconditional love.  So I began to open up to her about trying to get pregnant.  And she loved and listened.  She offered some advice, some I listened to, others I didn't.  And I did the same for her. And I realized that THAT is what the body of Christ should be.  A safe place.  A place to open up and share our struggles.

The same friend of mine eventually encouraged me to share my story.  Find others who struggle in the same way.  Slowly I began to talk about it.  And I'm so serious...I could feel the weight lifting from my shoulders with every word I said.  I started to meet with a few other girls who struggled with infertility and it was so encouraging.  We didn't let it be a place where we complained or felt sorry for ourselves, but we prayed for and encouraged each other, shared books, blogs, and doctor phone numbers.  It was healthy.  

So then I started to blog.  And I had fears: What will people say?  How will I respond?  Will I wish I never said anything?

And you know what...it makes me teary just thinking about it...I have had 100 times more people say to me that they've been encouraged by my strength and my story than I have had people try to give me their opinion.  It's been unreal.  And for a time, it became what my blog was about.  I've had people email me from all over and say "so and so shared your blog with me and I'm so encouraged..." or "I've been struggling with the same thing, but I've been too ashamed to say anything.  Reading your story has given me the strength to share mine."  It's been humbling and overwhelming. 

Even before I got pregnant, I was able to look back and see God in it all.  And there were times that I literally told Him, "This makes it all worth it.  Thank You for using me in this way."

I say all this to encourage you to share your story. It might be one of the hardest things you'll ever do, but in our weakness HE is strong. Your struggle is part of your testimony, your story, and He wrote your story before the beginning of time. He ordained it and is allowing you to experience this hardship, for whatever reason you may never know. 

If you decide not to share your story, pray, and listen to those who share their hurts.  Encourage them with Scripture that has encouraged you.  The Lord has blessed you with a sensitivity to something that not everyone shares, so use it to be a blessing to someone else.

I think one of the best things for us as Christian women is to just be honest.  When we find other women we can relate to during hard times, it's like finding a life jacket...it's feels life saving, you don't have to hold your breath anymore.  And there is so much freedom in that.



5 comments:

Rebecca said...

"...it's like finding a life jacket.' Isn't that the truth, and such a beautiful way to put it. This is wonderfully encouraging and uplifting, thank you for writing it.

Ember Grey. said...

XO

Christina Schergen said...

Love this and your heart and your bravery!

The Lady Okie said...

Stopping over from the Faith & Fellowship linkup. I really appreciate you sharing this. I'm so glad you found encouragement in the blogging community, and it's a good reminder to encourage others in that way also. Hope you have a great weekend and happy Friday :)

Susannah said...

What a blessing that your story has spoken to so many women. God is using you in amazing ways!

Thanks for linking up with the Faith and Fellowship blog hop!